I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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