my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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