If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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