it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
