Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
