New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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