listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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