Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
