the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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