How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
