The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
