Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
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You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
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Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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