i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
