I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
