HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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