I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
