I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
