Have you finally orgasmed yet?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I understand Curling. That high.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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