and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she told me i tasted like america
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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