"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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