I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
