I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
