im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
