Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
