I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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