Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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