There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
