Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
