I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
