i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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