CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
