id be glad to
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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