Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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