I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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