there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the condom got lost in my hair
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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