I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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