I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
