not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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