Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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