Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
