i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Plan B is the new Plan A
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
