I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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