Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
