he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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