6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
