I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
