I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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