i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
