His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
