Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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