I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
