Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
