Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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