Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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