I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
