i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
