we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
