I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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