I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
