Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
