STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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