Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize