just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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