too bad you live with your parents still
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
