Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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