i will never coherently bang her
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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