Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
