2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
