Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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