i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
