Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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